ADHD is a term we often hear when children and/or adults have trouble concentrating or when they are very busy. However, ADHD and intimacy are never really discussed, while sexual problems are common among adults with AD(H)D. 

Sexual problems due to AD(H)D

Not coming to an orgasm

If you know that people with ADHD have a hard time concentrating, you may already be able to imagine the consequences ADHD can have on your sex life! If you find it difficult to keep your attention on a task, this will also be the case during sex. It may even be that, due to the increased chance of being distracted, it is difficult to reach an orgasm. 

As you could read in our previous blog , you need arousal to reach an orgasm. To come to an orgasm you need excitement and excitement is created by sexual stimuli. So you need full attention on the sexual stimuli you experience in order to achieve a banging orgasm. So if there are many other things going through your head... then it becomes quite difficult to reach an orgasm and that is of course super frustrating! In men it can also ensure that he cannot maintain his erection and therefore cannot finish the act

Boredom in the bedroom

Someone with ADHD often needs a lot of stimuli to keep their attention on a task. Being quickly distracted is not too bad… if there are sufficient stimuli to keep up with the attention. 

The above can lead to other problems… namely, that someone with ADHD needs more, completely different or new stimuli in order not to get bored during the relationship or during sexual activity. That's why people with ADHD are often more sexually experimental or find sex too boring quickly. Do you attract a partner with the same experimental intense? Then you're good. If not? Then this can collide. Although people with ADHD generally feel like having sex more often, the result of sometimes too much stimulation can mean that there is less room for sexual desires. 

Not being able to relax well enough

In addition to attention problems, hyperactivity is also one of the core symptoms of ADHD. You therefore often see that people with ADHD are busy and impulsive. Also, this hyperactivity can prevent you from relaxing well enough to get in the mood for sex. Not being able to relax is also one of the reasons why people have trouble coming. 

Experience some sexual activity as annoying

People with ADHD can be hypersensitive. This means that sexual activity may feel annoying or uncomfortable to the person with ADHD. Think of certain smells, touches and tastes that accompany sexual intercourse. 

Tips:

Many women with ADHD in particular often have trouble reaching an orgasm, even with prolonged stimulation. Unfortunately, there is also little to be found on the internet about ADHD and intimacy. To help you on your way, we have a few tips that might help improve your relationship with ADHD and intimacy: 

1. Try to work on your concentration problems.

If you can improve your concentration so that you worry less during sex, you can start living in the moment and open up to all the sexual stimuli your body gets.  You can do this for example with: Mindfulness, ADHD coaching, therapy, medication or AD(H)D supplements. Get moving for half an hour beforehand. Exercise helps you to improve concentration for a few hours. 

2. Talk to your partner.

Let him or her know what you need to help you relax. Maybe an erotic massage or another way of foreplay beforehand?

3. Talk to your partner about how ADHD affects intimacy

And take into account each other's needs and limitations.

 

4. Keep sex exciting and varied!

Look for possible fantasies, try out new positions, places and techniques. Find what you need to keep boredom out of the bedroom and discuss it. spice thing up!

5. Experiment with yourself

What kind of touching and stimulation do you like and what not? This way you can communicate this to your partner and he or she can take this into account during sex. 

6. You can also take a break every now and then

This way you don't have to concentrate for too long at a time 

7. You can use sex toys.

The vibrations from sex toys can be so intense that distractions are reduced or completely eliminated. In any case, sex toys help to provide extra continuous stimulation of the clitoris, making it easier to achieve an orgasm. 

8. Build the tension

You can agree not to have real sex for a while, but to stir each other up during that period and thus build up the sexual tension, so that when the moment comes, the sexual tension is so high that you better focus on that tension and excitement. 

9. Collaborate on “being in the moment”

Give each other a wonderful massage or do a relaxation exercise together

10. Work together to make intimacy a priority

Plan (sex) dates and stick to this appointment, even if you don't feel like it. Pay attention to each other, touch each other and enjoy each other. 

11. Touch each other regularly throughout the day

12. Follow a tantra workshop together

13. Don't be afraid to seek help from an ADHD coach, relationship therapist or sex therapist

Many couples dealing with ADHD benefit greatly from couples counseling and sex therapy.

And finally… Sex and ADHD can be a lot of fun! People with ADHD often have a more vivid imagination than the average man or woman, so make use of this in the bedroom. With consultation with your partner, of course. 

Do you have ADHD yourself and do you have any other tips for women and men who encounter sexual problems? Let us know and put them in the comments!